The Poke Show

“Sketchgasm!!! An Ejaculation of Internet Sketch Comedy” is a series wherein I link to sketch comedy videos from around the internet that I deem worthy. If you’d like to submit a sketch to be featured, by all means contact me.

Remember Awkward Pictures, the guys who won the YouTube Sketchies contest? Well they got their hands on the video portion of the O.J. Simpson robbery audio tape — OJ Simpson Robbery VIDEO Released. Hilarious stuff guys.

Gummi Bears: The Movie is a fantastic fake trailer for a live action remake of the 80s cartoon Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears. The production value on this thing is spectacular — I’d actually go see this movie. Made by Spat’s sketch comedy pals Elephant Larry. Also check out Minesweeper: The Movie.

I’m trying to stick to a rule of no star power in the “Where Art Thine Sketches?” posts, but FCU with Bill Murray (talk about star power, how ’bout scoring a sketch comedy god for your sketch?) will have to be my first exception to that rule. Made by Pete and Brian.

I’m seeing One Semester of Spanish - Love Song pop up all over the internet. Makers Runaway Box don’t really come out and call their stuff sketch comedy, but it is and thus it fits here.

I’m gonna try to feature a few live and improv sketch comedy here as well. And Greeting Card Rap Battle fits that bill nicely. Performed by Train of Thought.

Poke

Technorati: comedy, funny, sketch comedy, video, Awkward Pictures, Elephant Larry, Pete and Brian, Runaway Box, Train of Thought, O.J. Simpson, Gummi Bears, Minesweeper, FCU, Bill Murray, Spanish, semester, love song, rap, greeting card, Poke, The Poke Show
Ice Rocket: comedy, funny, sketch comedy, video, Awkward Pictures, Elephant Larry, Pete and Brian, Runaway Box, Train of Thought, O.J. Simpson, Gummi Bears, Minesweeper, FCU, Bill Murray, Spanish, semester, love song, rap, greeting card, Poke, The Poke Show

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They say you can tell a lot about a person just by looking at their car. Take me for instance, I drive a slow white van with transmission problems. That is exactly me.

But you can also tell a lot about a hippie by looking at their hippie bus.

If their hippie bus is covered with bumper stickers that say things like “No War” or “The Only Bush I Trust is the One Between My Legs”, then they are a political hippie.

If their hippie bus is covered with grass or some AstroTurf, then they are an environmentalist hippie.

If their hippie bus is covered with porcelain animal figurines, then they are a PETA hippie.

If their hippie bus is covered with many different colors of paint, then they are a drug addicted hippie.

If their hippie bus has the same paint it did when it rolled off the factory floor, then they are a nudist hippie.

And if their hippie bus is leaking oil and making a lot of noise for no discernible reason, then they are a menstruating femi-nazi hippie.

Which brings me to the dirty, hairy hippie girls. I don’t get it. What’s the use of being free with nudity if men run away every time you raise your arm? And why be so into free love if your lover(s) need David Livingstone’s collected maps to reach your hippie festival?

Poke

Technorati: hippie, hippie bus, dirty hippie, hairy hippie, hippie girls, Poke, The Poke Show

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Wanna know a way to seduce any person no matter their race, age, religion, or creed?

Step 1) Take off all your clothing.

Remove all your coverings. Unleash your fleshy nakedness on the world. Let it all hang out. Let the girls or the boys bounce about.

Get nude.

Note: This step is involved with most of these types of processes. Nudity is a big turn on for every single person alive.

Step 2) Find your desired seducee.

Seek out the person you want to attract. If it is a male, you will likely find him in any number of places — in front of the T.V., taking a nap on the couch, in the garage pretending to work on his car, on the toilet, or in front of the T.V. If they are female, you will likely find her in the kitchen.

Note: This step is crucial. You can not expect this to work if you just stay alone and naked. Even though alone and naked often leads to fun, it never leads to attraction.

Step 3) Wiggle your hips around and shout: “MUY CALIENTE!”

Make sure flippy-flappy-floppy parts do not endanger your seducee.

Note: There is no one that can resist this technique.

There are some skeptics out there who claim that further research is needed when the naked shouter of “MUY CALIENTE!” is a man and the seducee is a woman. They say that women are not attracted to visual stimuli.

It might surprise you to know that I agree.

A Woman is most certainly not turned on by a man showing her that he has balls. But if he shows her that he has balls…well, no woman can resist a man with a set of balls. He will not succeed if he merely shows her his ballsies, but she will go weak in the knees when she sees that he’s ballsy. A woman has no use for seeing a man with big cajones, but she will readily have coition with a man that can show her that he has big cajones.

So remember this little rhyme:

If you take off your clothes
And seek out your mate
Scream “MUY CALIENTE!”
The Crimson Tide will be late!

Poke

Technorati: Muy Caliente, nude, nudity, attraction, seduction, funny, Poke, The Poke Show

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I’ve been working The Non-Retards and The Lava Factory to death. Just this week, I got an email from Nick:

Poke,

You are working us to death.

Nick

Last week, I got an email from Denis:

Poke,

I had the sexiest dream about you. I carved a summary of it into my butt flesh. If you want to know all the nasty things we did to each other, you’ll have to remove my pants.

Denis

It’s plainly clear I have driven one team to insanity and the other to lack of explanatory description.

So I’m announcing that The Non-Retards and the Lava Factory are on hiatus until November. Our next original sketch will appear on Sunday, November 4th. Mark it down.

In the mean time, I will not discontinue my blogging. If you were hoping I’d shut up, you are wrong in every way.

You also smell funny.

Poke

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Just got an email from Nicklaus Louis of The Non-Retards:

Poke,

We have a sketch shot and edited for this week, but we’re having some problems with the encoding…

So the world will have to wait at least another day for more sketch comedy goodness from The Non-Retards.

Sorry.

Poke

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