The Poke Show

My High School algebra teacher used to say, “When one assumes it only serves to make an ASS out of U and ME.” Well, tonight, out there somewhere, a retired algebra teacher is looking like a big ass…just like me.

I’ve been trying to up my position in the world recently by attending some night classes at a local college. I figured I could up my position (as I alluded to at an earlier interval) while hanging out with single mothers also trying to up their position who would likely be hard up for some lovin’. Ain’t I a stinker? But, much to my chagrin, my classes consist of two types of people: horny old dudes and equally old women who are already married to horny old dudes.

So without the prospects of forbidden MILF love impeding me, I have been able to focus on the material of study and not the material of some pretty young thing’s undergarments. This has led to me becoming somewhat of a teacher’s pet in one of my classes. That is until tonight…when I became the biggest ASS U or ME has ever seen.

We were scheduled to take a test. Fine by me, I know the stuff. I’m a learned fellow. I am a sage of the scoop, the story, the score, the straight stuff, and the what’s what. I am the keeper of knowledge, and my No. 2 Pencil is the purveyor of truth. I was not afraid of any stupid test. Give me the stupid test with its stupid questions, and I’ll give you some brilliant facts based on research, logic, and shared knowledge passed down from liberal professors to politically unaffiliated students.

My enormous hubris was only matched by the enormous girth of the fifty-year-old woman that sits next to me.

My inept feebleness was only matched by the impotent fiddle-stick of the eighty-year-old guy that sits behind me and constantly hits on the fifty-year-old fatty.

Here’s what happened: I assumed that the test would be over the last few chapters we discussed in class. So I studied for this stupid test by going over the stupid facts that we had asked so many stupid questions about over the last few stupid class periods. But the test actually covered the material we were supposed to study at home. I, of course, had assumed that having a test tonight meant that I would not need to have read said material until the next class. And, also of course, the Prof. had sent out an email giving us a heads up about all of this, but I had deleted the email assuming I knew what he was going to say in it.

How could I be so stupid?

Oh well, I guess I’ll just drop out and hit up the women’s shelter. Homeless women can be hotties…Right?

Poke

Technorati: stupid, stupidity, test, questions, facts, college, Poke, The Poke Show

Don’t Be Stupid, Be Tested At Humor Blogs.

This is a picture of The World’s Tallest Man meeting The World’s Smallest Man earlier this year. Take a second and let this image blow your friggin’ mind.

First off, he ate the little guy like thirty seconds later, right? I mean, as soon as the camera guys and reporters got what they needed he swallowed that little dude like a Courtney Cox (the porn star, not the Courtney Cox-Arquette) swallows a slice of lunch meat.

But let’s say that didn’t happen (even if that is exactly what the liberal media would want you do). What if thirty seconds later they decided to go out on a date? It is feasible. We live in the new millennium, do we not? When you grow up as an outcast (which I think it is obvious that these two probably did), do you not hold true to the ideal that size doesn’t matter as much as a good sense of humor and steady income?

I know this is crazy talk, but let’s just talk crazy for a second. This implausibly tall man and this puzzlingly small man could fall in love and live heightily ever after. It could happen.

And that very possibility, that it could happen, is why I am writing this open letter to The World’s Smallest Man.

Dear Mr. World’s Smallest Man,

Don’t date him. Don’t do it. He is too tall for you.

Sure, gazing up into his shins feels like tiny heaven now, but what happens when his those same shins seem as distant as his navel? What will you do then? What happens when cuddling with his big toe no longer makes you feel grateful? What happens when you suddenly want to feel the touch of his ridiculously long fingers, but he won’t bend over to touch you seeing as how he would topple over and look like a big silly tall guy toppling over because he reached down to touch a little guy who was whining about fingers and toes? Not so quick with the answers on that one are we?

Tall men are good for a lot of things - playing basketball, getting Frisbees off roofs, retrieving cats from trees, holding up a steel rod during lightning storms, etc. They are also fun for a lot of things - improvising a midget porn scene, etc. But they are absolutely no good for dating if you are small.

Your friend in shortness (I’m only two inches…from the ground!),
Poke McPokerton

But back here in reality we know that things this insane never, ever happen.

Poke

Technorati: tallest man, smallest man, dating, insane, Poke, The Poke Show

Rise Above At Humor Blogs.

The Lava Factory has an obsession with things that come out of the body. So they took the time to make a short, informative sketch comedy video about all of them.

Poke

Technorati: body, body function, human body, sketch comedy, funny, video, The Poke Show, Poke

Enjoy Your Body At Humor Blogs.

We’ve come up against some problems here at The Poke Show. In short, one of The Non-Retards lost his job over some of the sketches he did for this site. So, for now, all the videos from The Non-Retards are still missing from the site, but The Lava Factory sketches and all some most of the other content is back.

Poke

Technorati: Sketch Comedy, The Poke Show, Poke

Return And Conquer At Humor Blogs

There’s a good reason why all the content on this site has gone missing. I am not at liberty to say why it has gone missing, but I assure you that the issue should be resolved shortly.

You don’t know how sorry I am for the inconvenience.

Poke

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