Dec 29

Hack Into My Head And Download 2007

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What a year!

While I am tempted to complain about the crappy stuff that happened to members of our little team toward the last part of this year, I can’t complain too much because 2007 will go down in the annals (tee-hee) of history as the birth year of The Poke Show. That’s right, this time last year, you were wondering if you’d ever get that Pokey goodness under your tongue. I’m so happy for you that your 2007 brought you me.

Here’s a few highlights:

In April, I gave you a

In June, I complained about the and then I did it and in July until I gave .

Also in June, I commented on .

In August, I told you , began asking , and then .

In September, we had and never quite recovered. We do plan on having more sketches in the new year, although I can’t give a definite date of return.

Also in September, things got when I hung out with some .

In October, we celebrated while proclaiming that .

In November, the sky fell. We had to and it took us twenty one days to .

I quickly rebounded to make a bold statement — , and to complain that .

And finally in December I got festive and handed out the then then the .

All of The Non-Retard sketches have been removed from the web due to that crappy stuff I mentioned earlier, but my The Lava Factory favorites where The , , (our most viewed sketch), and .

Thanks to everyone who visits for helping us get started. Have a safe New Year, and keep laughing.

Poke

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Dec 25

Hitler Dog Wishes You Merry Christmas

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Merry Christmas From Hitler Dog

Have a Merry Christmas from The Poke Show and .

Poke

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Dec 24

Why Do I Always Have A Very Bad Christmas? Pt. 3

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When I moved out of the house around the age of nineteen, I was left with only myself to blame for every . That is until I got married — losing my freedom, but gaining a dictator.

During my failed marriage, the ex Missus Poke never got me a good gift. One year I got a new suit, even though I wear casual clothes to work and I never, ever go anywhere that requires me to wear a suit. Another year I got a lawn mower. I refuse to mow any lawn because I do not agree with grass genocide. Our last year together she got me Divorce Papers. That's just a shitty present no matter how you look at it.

But I guess I should be happy that she put up with my luck for as long as she did.

Poke

P.S. For more bad Christmas stories —

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Dec 23

Why Do I Always Have A Very Bad Christmas? Pt. 2

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I stopped having run-ins with my dad sometime around my thirteenth birthday. I guess he decided I was getting too old for him to screw up. But thankfully, my mom stepped in and took up the slack.

For my thirteenth Christmas, my mom rented me out to a childless family for twenty bucks. Of course, the family had always wanted a girl so I spent Christmas Eve dressed in a skimpy teddy (the husband was kind of a perv). It didn't help that all my presents that year were made for teenage girls — I spent the winter with a pink jacket, fuzzy boots, a Barbie thermos, and some crappy fake nails that kept falling off.

That tradition continued until I was eighteen, when my mom started stealing all the presents from me and I was forced to make my clothes for the winter. A little helpful tip — any precipitation, even snow, will make your newspaper pants dissolve, and cold weather is not kind to exposed genitalia.

Poke

P.S.

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Dec 22

Top Ten Movies Set During Christmas That Aren’t Really About Christmas

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There are tons of Christmas movies, but a handful of them just use Christmas as a backdrop. Sure most of ‘em do have a couple scenes that involve talk of Christmas, but none of ‘em actually involve Santa or the birth of that little Jewish kid.

Anyway, without further ado, here is my list of Top Ten Movies Set During Christmas That Aren’t Really About Christmas.

Poke’s Note: Some of these links are NSFW. An old Chinese proverb states: If it sounds NSFW, it probably is NSFW.

10.

Why it’s on this list: Nothing says “Anti-Christmas” like having a bunch of convicts dress up like Santa Claus and kill each other.
Why I like it: .

9.

Why it’s on this list: It’s about a kid who finds a bag full of stolen money and uses it to help poor people. It has a Christmas message — which almost knocked it off the list, but if I took it off the list then would’ve taken its place and I ain’t about to put a chick flick in my Top Ten Anything.
Why I like it: I’m a sucker for those cute little accents.

8.

Why it’s on this list: Three brothers plot to steal money from a small town bank during Christmas.
Why I like it: I could do without. is hit-or-miss with me. But is money in the bank…for me to steal.

7.

Why it’s on this list: It takes place at Christmas, but no one pays attention to that because of the and .
Why I like it: Well the orgy and Nicole Kidman’s ass I mentioned, and because it’s a frightening portrayal of how easily we can be tempted to enter a world where we are forced to where a figurative mask of lies…plus the orgy and Nicole Kidman’s ass.

6.

Why it’s on this list: Technically this is cheating. No one ever references Christmas in this film. In fact, I’m not even sure that it does take place at Christmas time. If it wasn’t for the fact that the original is set during Christmas, I wouldn’t include it on the list — again, I want to make sure that no one ever knows that I liked The Holiday.
Why I like it: Ummmm…it’s really cool.

5.

Why it’s on this list: It’s about stoners, drug dealers, and gay actors going to Vegas, trying to escape a pyramid scheme pushing cop, and attending a “Merry X-mas” rave.
Why I like it: “Just so we’re clear, you stole a car, shot a bouncer, and had sex with two women?”

4.

Why it’s on this list: A suicidal cop teams up with a cop nearing retirement to bring down some drug running mercenaries during Christmas.
Why I like it: doing and , and being “to old for this shit”.

3.

Why it’s on this list: Two old men play a little game by having a rich white guy and a poor black guy switch lives during Christmas.
Why I like it: It’s one of the funniest movies ever, and .

2.

Why it’s on this list: A group of mischievous little monsters terrorize a town during Christmas.
Why I like it: Well, apart from the fact that I can never get out of my head, this movie will always hold a special place in my heart cause I kinda look like .

1.

Why it’s on this list: gets trapped in a building with a bunch of Eastern European terrorists on Christmas Eve.
Why I love it: What is not to love about this movie? ? ? ? ? and ? How about all the quotables? “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.” — “Guess we’re gonna need some more F.B.I. guys, huh?” — “Welcome to the party pal!” — “It’s Christmas Theo, it’s the time of miracles.” — “Only John can drive somebody that crazy.” — “You know the number…use it!” — “They’re shootin’ at the lights.” — “Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho.” — “Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.” — And of course “Yippee-ki-yay Motherfucker.”

Poke

P.S. Seems like great minds think alike. .

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