The Poke Show

One of my dogs started eating poop. I read somewhere on the internet that they do that because it tastes good to them. I got to thinking that maybe we as humans are missing out. So I ate some poop. And to be totally honest, it tasted like shit.

Have you ever eaten an apple and wondered if Eve looked hot naked?

Have you ever popped a cherry in your mouth and felt a bit dirty about it?

Have you ever had a lover shove a banana in you butt and thought to yourself, “YELLOW!”?

Kermit the Frog was an idiot (is an idiot, if you’re one of those nutjobs that thinks he’s still alive). It is easy to be green. Go to a local taco stand and you’ll be green for a week. Your tongue will turn green. You’re face will turn green. Your penis will turn green. If you’re a woman, you’ll grow a green penis.

Poke

If you liked this post answer me this, What’s So Great About The Great Gazoo?

Or click on

Tags: green, humor, comedy, funny, Poke, The Poke Show

Can you not find a better place to up the chuck? I realize that the body gets what the body wants and it takes not into account the sensitive eyes of other bodies in other cars, but I can’t help but wonder why you didn’t even try to move over to the ditch or use your car as a shield. I mean, most folk would be embarrassed to just hang out of the side of the car spewing a brownish, chunky liquid all over the pavement. I guess because most folk are decent folk. So I guess you are not a decent folk. You are a bad folk. BAD FOLK!!!

Throwing up is a curious thing. Make-ah one man weep, make another man sing. But if you sing when you see someone puking, then you, my friend, are a sick puppy. And I don’t want to be your friend anymore, so stop calling me.

I once got an email (from Jose) with a link to a video of a woman throwing up on a dog as porn music played. I cried for like three days after that. I mean, what is sexy about porn music? I never get turned on by porn music. That damn music ruined my enjoyment of what should have been a very sensual moment. Now if there had been some Mellencamp playing…I would’ve been doing something else for three days…trying to get that damn “Our Country” song out of my head.

What makes us throw up? Does what throw up must come done? What kind of medical condition has symptoms of simultaneous bleeding, sweating, and leaky tear ducts? These are questions that may never be answered or maybe never should have been asked. But one thing is certain, seeing that guy puking on the side of the road was really, really gross.

Poke

If you think this post was funny, try No Such Thing As A Good Shit or The Human Body: Sketch Comedy About The Structure & Function Of The Body on for size.

Or click on

Tags: puke, humor, comedy, funny, Poke, The Poke Show

I’m pretty sure there has never been a woman named Sharona. It’s gotta be a fake name. Who would ever add an “a” to “Sharon”? I’ve met a couple of Sharons who could stand to loose some of their “a”, but have yet to meet a Sharon that needed an “a” added to her. Most Sharons come equipped with an “a” from birth.

Speaking of “a”, I took an assessment test (get it, ass-essment, tee-hee) and I found out that I am an excellent reader. So if there was a job out there where I could read for a living, I’d probably make an excellent living doing that job.

Hey!

That thought got me to thinking just now. I read a lot of blogs. I should start charging people to read their blog. It actually could work well for both of us. For a small, nominal, insignificant fee I will read your blog then tell you what sucks about it so you can mold it into something that I would like more, which would make me want to read it for free so you would get to stop paying me to read it. See, I’m saving you money in the long run.

Have you ever tried selling glasses to a blind man?

It’s really not that hard. Just tell him they will cure his blindness, make sure to get the money up front, then run away with the glasses (it’s not like he can see where you ran to…you never gave him the glasses).

I find that we as a society do not pick on the handicapped enough. God made them lesser than us for a reason — so that we might have something to make us laugh in our otherwise pathetic yet normie life. But I don’t think we should laugh at them to their face. Especially if their handicap is that they have no face…I mean where would you laugh to?

I know that by making fun of the handicapped I am giving Karma a window of opportunity to make at least one of my future children handicapped. Karma’s always trying to make human’s pay for appreciating God’s gifts. Personally, I think Karma’s pissed that he got stuck with Buddha when God was picking out ideals for his new religion/money making scheme.

But if Karma does give me a handicapped kid, I hope her handicap is that she is “a”less. Then I can name her Sharona, and that song will finally make sense to me.

Poke

If you liked this post try Lost In The Supermarket or click on

Tags: My Sharona, humor, comedy, funny, Poke, The Poke Show

Don’t you hate it when you walk outside naked and everyone in the neighborhood just happens, at that moment in time, to be doing yard work?

I’m not opposed to people doing yard work, I’m just opposed to people doing yard work during my outdoor naked time. It bugs me. Can’t an old man walk about with his dangle hangin’ out? I hate having to worry if people are judging me cause I’m too fat or too hairy or too old or too naked. It’s just not right.

I used to belong to a nudist colony — back when the Ex-Missus Poke and I were still dating. Back then no one minded my nudity cause I was quite the stud. I was skinny and my scrotum was well proportioned to the size of my testes. Nowadays, it looks like two marbles rolling around in a burlap sack down there.

Why does our skin stretch out in places where it has no business stretching out? I can understand the flaps of skin hanging where I used to have an ass because that area has been sitting down, standing up, bending over in a non-sexual way, and all other kinds of stretching for all my days. But my scrotum has never been stretched or pulled on …to the best of my knowledge. I am not into that sado-massachusettes bullshit, and I never got it caught in any kind of stretching device like the ill-fated Stretch-o-Matic 5000. So why is my custom leather bag too big for my bowling balls?

Women often complain that men have an unfair advantage because the older we get the more handsome we look. 1) I think that’s crap. 2) Even if it were true, what does it matter? Our sex organs have begun to look like Shar-pies  and have stopped functioning, so what’s the big whoop about looking handsome? Everyone thinks those wrinkly dogs are cute, but would you put one in your mouth?

The only time a man takes an interest in how he looks is when he’s about to have sex. Unless, of course, he’s one of those new Metrosexuals. Personally, I never enjoyed having sex with the Metro or at The Met or with Mr. Met.

Poke

Tug On Some Old Man Skin At Humor Blogs

Tags: old man skin, comedy, funny, Poke, The Poke Show

A couple of days ago, I checked out The Poke Show’s ranking at Humor-Blogs. I was sittin’ cute-in-the-face at #410.

A few hours later I noticed a jump in traffic from that site and checked again. I was amazed to find out that I was now sittin’ Tawny Kitaen circa ‘87 at #42. I didn’t know how, but I didn’t care — I was suddenly popular and sexy!

The next day it was revealed that there was a mix up in the software and a lot of crappy blogs suddenly jumped to the top of the heap. Mine was one of them. So I was sent back to the outcast table, where I was sittin’ fugly at #569.

Now, by some other strange twist of fate, The Poke Show is back up. I’m sittin’ smokin’ hot at #65.

I feel like I’m in Junior High again. Every little blemish could make or break me. If I get a boner in the middle of Geometry cause Linda Hassle is sitting next to me and I can kinda see her bra through her shirt, I might be made fun of or be made to take off my pants so the girls in the class can learn about the male anatomy. I don’t know what to do.

I feel like hanging around outside the 7 Eleven with a Big Gulp while telling some parachute pants wearin’ lame-o that I have the high score on like six Pac Man machines around town.

Poke

Tags: humor, Poke, The Poke Show