The World's Tallest Man and The World's Smallest Man on their first date.

This is a picture of meeting earlier this year. Take a second and let this image blow your friggin’ mind.

First off, he ate the little guy like thirty seconds later, right? I mean, as soon as the camera guys and reporters got what they needed he swallowed that little dude like a Courtney Cox (the porn star, not the ) swallows a slice of lunch meat.

But let’s say that didn’t happen (even if that is exactly what the liberal media would want you do). What if thirty seconds later they decided to go out on a date? It is feasible. We live in the new millennium, do we not? When you grow up as an outcast (which I think it is obvious that these two probably did), do you not hold true to the ideal that size doesn’t matter as much as a good sense of humor and steady income?

I know this is crazy talk, but let’s just talk crazy for a second. This implausibly tall man and this puzzlingly small man could fall in love and live heightily ever after. It could happen.

And that very possibility, that it could happen, is why I am writing this open letter to The World’s Smallest Man.

Dear Mr. World’s Smallest Man,

Don’t date him. Don’t do it. He is too tall for you.

Sure, gazing up into his shins feels like tiny heaven now, but what happens when his those same shins seem as distant as his navel? What will you do then? What happens when cuddling with his big toe no longer makes you feel grateful? What happens when you suddenly want to feel the touch of his ridiculously long fingers, but he won’t bend over to touch you seeing as how he would topple over and look like a big silly tall guy toppling over because he reached down to touch a little guy who was whining about fingers and toes? Not so quick with the answers on that one are we?

Tall men are good for a lot of things - playing basketball, getting Frisbees off roofs, retrieving cats from trees, holding up a steel rod during lightning storms, etc. They are also fun for a lot of things - improvising a midget porn scene, etc. But they are absolutely no good for dating if you are small.

Your friend in shortness (I’m only two inches…from the ground!),
Poke McPokerton

But back here in reality we know that .

Poke

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